DON'T PANIC (UPDATE: PANIC!!!)

UPDATE: According to sources close to the network - aka someone on the City Confidential forums (I'm so cool!) who wrote to them - the show will no longer be broadcast on A&E and will instead be aired on its sister Biography Channel, which of course I don't receive. The switch is likely related to audience disfavor of the new narrator, he of the double-headed dildo, and while I can't necesssarily disagree, my callous and cleverly phrased threat still stands. Even if it's Keith David narrating the fallout of the crime.

Being the nerd/TV addict that I am, every other Sunday I usually spend a good half hour on the TiVo reviewing and scheduling two weeks of programming. You know, the usual suspects - reruns of Law & Order, SVU, X-Files, Homicide, &c. - and totally faggy British stuff on PBS, eg Mystery! and Masterpiece theater. I also make it a point to peruse whatever documentaries are coming up (see above, re:nerd), and this is usually when I check out upcoming episodes of the beauty that is City Confidential, choosing which ones to record based on two important criteria: a. if the crime and/or city in question intrigues me, and b. what year it came out, as that bit of information can be used to determine if it's narrated by fellow homo Paul Winfield. As any fan of the show knows, City Confidential IS Paul Winfield, and I (and hopefully everyone else) was dismayed not only by his untimely passing in 2004 but also by his replacement, who reminds me, and anyone with a passing interest in film, of one-armed Jared Leto and a two-headed dildo. But I digress.

So three weeks ago, during my bi-weekly TiVo sesh, I was just finishing up when I realized hey, I don't remember scheduling City Confidential. At first I was unconcerned, thinking either I'd skipped by it accidentally or perhaps by some fluke it hadn't been included in the Documentaries subcategory. I immediately head to the manual lookup - C-I-T-Y - and, well, nothing. For the next two weeks, a show that is usually on like every fucking day was nowhere to be found. Impressively, I managed to stay calm. Stuart, I told myself, you certainly have enough episodes saved up to carry you through this unfortunate but most certainly temporary drought, just check back next week and I'm sure everything will be fine. So I did, and needless to say, it wasn't. Three weeks on, still nothing, nothing mentioned on the website and, perhaps most worrisome, nothing left on the TiVo. And now I'm pissed.

So listen up A&E, I'm sure you guys are having a blast with your Dog the Bounty Hunter and your Criss Angel: Mindfreak and your CSI: Miami (that Jonathan Togo is a sight for sore eyes indeed), but seriously, if you don't get your shit together and bring back City Confidential, I can give you good idea of the first place you'd expect a murder.

Your face.

Or somewhere in the immediate vicinity.

You've been warned.

2008: the copout

I had grand ideas of completing my entire countdown over the holidays, parked at a computer, stoned, pounding out entries cause there wasn't much else to do. In a reality, I spent most of the time parked in a recliner, stoned, catching up on Mad Men and Friday Night Lights, and shoveling an inhumane amount of deviled eggs and other terribly unhealthy foodstuffs into my mouth. So now here we are, two days before the dawn of the new year, with only four posts under my belt. And since I plan to spend tomorrow playing Fallout 3(!!!) and maybe saying something about my top songs of the year, I now present, with a minimum of commentary, the remainder of my top albums of 2008. We all knew it was gonna end this way. Enjoy.



6. Metronomy, Nights Out
I don't how you made these crazy noises or where they even came from to begin with, but it's like full-on electro indie and my ears can't get enough. Now can you please bring your super fun dancey light show extravaganza stateside? kthxbye


Metronomy, "The End of You Too"



5. Crystal Castles, Crystal Castles
My esteem for many of the artists on this list was enhanced by their live show, but not so much Crystal Castles. Yes, it was fucking awesomely ridiculous and loud and sweaty and generally crazy, but the fact that I had to eventually evacuate the quasi-pit as to not pass out/die only affirmed that, yes, I'm too old for this shit. However, combining two of my favorite things - dirty electro and video game music - makes you okay in my book. Super duper okay.



Crystal Castles, "Black Panther"



4. Cut Copy, In Ghost Colours
Like another artist coming up on this list, 2008 was arguably oversaturated in Cut Copy, seeing as how they made two appearances in DC (well, 1.5 for me, since someone decided that since it was their birthday they'd get WAY too drunk halfway through and have to be escorted home to sleep while their friend got stoned and watched Star Wars with their roommate), but when said artist has crafted such an impressive blend of rock and electro, it's hardly a problem. Plus I got a bomb ass shirt out of it.


Cut Copy, "So Haunted"



3. Hot Chip, Made In the Dark
If there exists only one testament to how fucking awesome these bastards, and by extension this record, are, it shall be Leeza's bruised body after hearing "Wrestler" performed live. Twice. Well, that, and how "Ready For the Floor" fucking OWNED 2009. And rhyming "hell" with "caramel". And the entirety of "One Pure Thought". Ah fuck it: Alexis Taylor, LIVE IN MY POCKET!!!


Hot Chip, "One Pure Thought"



2. Santogold, Santogold
Santogold was everywhere this year - commercials (a LOT of those), mixtapes, ::ahem:: GOSSIP GIRL (soundtracking the best scene of season 2, possibly of the whole shoe) - but nowhere more memorable for me than my ipod. Cause I played the SHIT out of this record. But really, who can blame me when it's such a perfectly composed mishmash of indie, electro, hiphop, funk, ska, etc etc etc that, from my perspective, rarely gets old. And shit, someone who can make me forget that I've been standing outside for 5 hours in 105 degree weather and quite possibly nearing heat stroke just to see her peform for half an hour? A++++++


Santogold, "LES Artistes"



1. Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
Love love LOVE this album, and it's number one placement should come as no surprise to anyone who even casually reads this blog. It's a true testament to its greatness that it was almost single-handedly responsible for knocking Radiohead from its top spot on my last.fm. And the fact that it got so little love come year's end? Pure bollocks. Pathos + filth = love. Simple as that. I heart you Kevin Barnes. So much it hurts.


of Montreal, "For Our Elegant Caste"

capital games

I thought myself really on top of things this morning when I noticed a new, rather interesting ad for Bethesda Softwork's upcoming RPG Fallout 3 pasted on the side of a bus this morning, cursing myself for having quite possibly the shittiest camera ever on my phone. But a quick google search not only disproved this notion but provided me with ample photo evidence, not from a bus necessarily but from it's original deployment point, the Metro Center metro station. And while it isn't exactly strange for a video game company, especially a local one (note the name), to start an ad campaign in our nation's capital, it's admittedly a bit ballsy to do it like this:



Mind you the bus advertisement was even worse, with the focus not on the soldier but of the partially destroyed capitol dome. And by "even worse" I of course mean "ten times as awesome". +10 internets!

2008: number 7

I've been dreading writing this one – in fact, part of me thinks I put Portishead at number 8 just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it yesterday. But no, this is a fantastic album, one I’ve had an infinite amount of fun digesting these past couple months, and one that, yes, I did, and do, enjoy a bit more than Third. But therein lies the problem: I can’t for the life of me explain, in simple terms, why I love it so much. Sure, it could be the fact that it’s just pitch-perfect synth-pop, but at the same time like no synth-pop I’ve ever heard (that is, until I downloaded his second album, Mastered By the Guy at Exchange, which I can’t recommend enough), disguising what turn out to be rather straight-forward, though certainly interesting, melodies under a blanket of glitch, IDM, even funk influences. And beyond that, the lyrics, and even the delivery to some extent, make this one of the most heartfelt electro albums I’ve heard, detailing a breakup and fallout with some of the most pathetic, nerdy lyrics, lyrics that are achingly familiar – the decidedly emo epic finale, “Until We Die”, makes reference to Rubiks cubes (“If you try to do the cube and it doesn't work out / Don't peel the stickers off or move the pieces about”) and Hollywood couples (“While Mr. Mendes kisses Kate / I, in my kitchen, break a plate / And sweep it up and dream of getting laid”), and caps it off with one pitiful request for reconciliation: “I don't know if you got my letter / But everyone thinks you're great / If you come home it will be much better / And I will be your mate until we die”. Yet through all this, through all the heartbreak and longing, runs a joyous streak, a certain lyrical and melodic optimism found in standout tracks “Will Get Fooled Again”, “Which Song”, and “The Entertainment”, that makes it anything but depressing.


Max Tundra, "Will Get Fooled Again"