dear chop't creative salad company,

I must admit, your salads are quite delicious. So delicious in fact that I had no qualms about waiting 45 minutes for a free Cobb w/ reduced fat ranch and a refreshing diet soda from Boylan Bottling Co. However, I foresee that today will be my one and only visit to your concept fast-food eatery, for, delicious as they might be, I'll be dead in the cold hard ground before I pay $9 for a mother fucking salad. Also, I'm feeling a bit queasy after eating what was easily a pound and a half of lettuce and fixings. I need a nap.

Sincerely,
Stuart

P.S. All-flash websites make me want to seriously vom.