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I really can't think of anything to post about today, so in lieu of providing anything new, useful, or at all original, I'm just going to link to two Onion articles that I find hysterical and that I end up reading usually once every few months. Yeah, it's been one of those days - not much to do except spend several hours perusing the archives of the Onion. And get paid for it. Anyway...

Hummel Space Telescope Seeks Out, Photographs Collectible Space Phenomena
"Full knowledge of this cosmic bric-a-brac is finally within reach," he said. "For the first time ever, we will be able to gain a full understanding of such celestial bodies as Little Goat Herder, Bashful Boy, and the legendary, far-off constellation known as Church Time."

McDonald's Drops 'Hammurderer' Character From Advertising
Where this all began folks...

Jesus Christ that was fucking pointless, but I really got nothing here. Let's see, umm, see that album cover in the top right corner? Go listen to that. It's fucking awesome. Promise.